Success turns into the resentment
that we made when we were two-
thirds of a whole; twice forgotten
in Mars’ grassy knoll, our fraction
was lost to the unknown
factions that reside underneath the soil
there and here.
Unbeknownst to even the system
engineers, the citizens and…
Like the critique, love the poem.
I will say that I see a closer link with Mars, Babylon, candles and fire.
If, in the poem, we are lost and seek our home, Babylon, we must seek it by candlelight:
How Many Miles to Babylon
So the theme of war and the theme of wandering are used throughout. Candles, which could be meant to represent the studious nature in the old rhyme, must be used to find the true path. Fire/War’s tools are too clumsy/powerful. Gentle light will reveal what the flash of fire will wipe out. As the largest theme in the poem seems to be inter-personal conflict, I think that’s a great usage.
Of course, I could be ascribing meaning that wasn’t intended. :p
Oh, you’re human…: Like The Whore (Criticism)